Lethal Balance Read online

  “Are we ready?” Audrey stopped just inside the store.

  “We are.” Lillian pushed a shopping cart to JJ and took one for herself. Lillian had opted for the bed and bath portion of the shopping trip, stating JJ and Audrey would do better at buying clothing a little girl would wear. “As Dante would say, you two have your mission. I have mine. We’ll rendezvous at checkout one in twenty minutes.”

  “The children’s clothing section is that way.” Audrey pointed toward the middle of the store. “This would be easier if I had little sisters or nieces and nephews or something. Do you have any experience at this?”

  “Not at all. I don’t have any family left.” She’d thought she’d answered casually enough, but Audrey’s sympathetic look showed her loneliness had slipped through. “Anyway, I’ve always been too busy with work and school.”

  “I know the feeling. Well, we’ll manage the best we can.” Audrey stopped at a rack and held up an adorable shirt.

  More and more clothing landed in the cart.

  JJ found a winter jacket in a dark red and a hoodie in a vibrant green. The colors would look good on Caz, and he’d said Regan had his coloring. “How about pajamas?”

  “Definitely. Warm ones.”

  Socks, underwear, sneakers. “More shoes?”

  “We’ll wait to get boots until we see if the sneakers fit.” Audrey added colorful socks. “We can bring her next time. But, it’s kind of fun to play godmother, don’t you think?”

  “It really is.”

  By the time they had the cart almost filled with garments, Lillian appeared. Her cart was piled high with bedding and towels, pillows and rugs. She smiled at the clothing in their cart. “Those look lovely, my dears.”

  “We did well,” Audrey agreed.

  JJ looked at all the bedding and envisioned how the bare room would look once filled with furniture. The French country floral quilt in dark reds and teals was gorgeous. Lillian had added two fluffy teal rugs.

  Audrey pulled out her phone and snapped a picture of the bedspread and rugs. “I’m going to tell Gabe he has to paint one of the walls to match the teal. If he does it at lunch, it’ll have time to dry before she gets there.”

  “Poor Gabe.” The bedroom was all white paneling. An accent wall would be lovely.

  But…the little girl would still be alone without her mama in a houseful of strangers.

  JJ shook her head, remembering her first week in Alaska. Even as an adult, she’d felt displaced. It hadn’t been her home; she hadn’t known anyone. Even the land had looked different. What else could they do to help little Regan? “She needs personal things. Maybe a hairbrush, toothbrush, and shampoo for a child? And toys.”

  The other two stared at her.

  Then Audrey rolled her eyes. “Duh. We got focused on rooms and clothes and forgot the fun stuff.”

  Lillian turned her cart. “I’ll swing by the care products and meet you in the toy section.”

  The toy section was huge.

  Audrey blew out a breath. “Isn’t it weird that I’d like to buy some of these toys for myself? I call dibs on the crafty stuff.”

  “I’ll see what else there is.” JJ planted the cart at the end of one aisle. “Meet you back here in ten.”

  It took her closer to fifteen minutes. By the time JJ returned, Lillian was waiting with Audrey.

  Audrey held up her finds. “The basics: crayons and coloring books, rubber stamps. A Lego Hogwarts.”

  JJ burst out laughing. “Great minds think alike.” She set the first Harry Potter movie into the cart and added The Princess Diaries and Frozen.

  Lillian nodded her approval. “Do plan on inviting me over for the girls’ movie night.”

  After dropping in the board games, Labyrinth and Carcassonne, JJ flushed. “I also picked up this.” The stuffed animal—a white cat—was just the right size to cuddle in bed, super-soft and plush, with big appealing eyes. “To, uh, welcome her since Caz texted she got in a fight to help the neighbor’s kitty.”

  Regan’s mom was gone and everyone should have something to hug.

  “Perfect choice, love.” Lillian gave the cat’s soft fur a stroke and smiled at JJ. “I’m very pleased you came with us today.”

  The sentiment was so unexpected. So sweet.

  Audrey laughed. “Caz told us not to let you wiggle out of joining us. That you would make a good friend.”

  Caz said that? Even as JJ’s mouth dropped open, Audrey leaned forward and gave her a solid hug. “Caz was right.”

  JJ managed a choked “thank you” as she turned away, frantically blinking away the unwelcome tears.

  There was silence that Lillian broke with a cheerful, “Well, let’s queue up at a checkout stand.”

  Audrey grinned. “Two carts worth. It looks as if we almost bought out the store. I hope poor Cazador’s savings account is healthy.”

  “Tsk.” Lillian shook her head. “He doesn’t spend his money on anything other than running around, the brazen-faced varlet.”

  JJ stared. “The…what?”

  “I think that would be”—Audrey considered and grinned at Lillian—“an unapologetic man-ho. And isn’t it fun to label a man with the sticker of shame?”

  Lillian smiled smugly.

  Emotions on a rollercoaster, JJ felt her face get tight. She knew all too well what that sticker of shame felt like and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Even a guy. She cleared the thickness from her throat. “Looks like the last checkout is the emptiest one.”

  Lillian tucked her white hair behind her ear as she studied JJ. “Audrey told me your former colleagues gave you labels, ones similar to varlet. How did that come about?”

  “I…I”— JJ stared. “I thought the British were polite. And you—”

  Lillian was dignified, almost regal. “In my younger days, I was most polite, young Jayden, I was. Then I spent time with two appallingly blunt Yanks who’d been in the military.”

  Audrey let out a snort. “Mako and Dante?”

  “Indeed. Mako had no tolerance for what he termed bullshitting. Dante, being a bit more couth, calls it ‘beating about the bush’. I find, as I age, I’m inclined to dispense with superficial courtesy and ask what I want to know.”

  The woman was simply awesome. “Can I be you when I grow up?”

  Lillian laughed. “Tell us the story, Officer Jenner.”

  Here? In the toy section of Walmart?

  Audrey leaned on her cart. Lillian folded her arms. Both were obviously prepared to wait forever. For the story. For JJ’s nightmare.

  Fine. “I was twenty-one when the Weiler Police force hired me. I graduated from the academy, got off probation, was a real officer.” She shook her head. “I was so happy.”

  “No problems with being a woman on the force?” Audrey asked.

  JJ shrugged. “There were a few sexist officers and some harassment. I was the only female officer. But my training officer, although he started off being annoyed about teaching a newbie who was female, ended up solidly on my side.” Where would she have been without Gene? She’d call him tonight, catch up, and try to explain how much his support had meant.

  Lillian frowned. “But something happened?”

  “A fellow officer happened. Nash is a couple of years older than I am. I thought he was amazing. We started dating—and I fell for him. So hard. And, God, I was such an idiot.”

  Audrey narrowed her eyes. “Not much experience?”

  “Very little. I missed out during the early dating years. No time.” Her mom had been sick. JJ’d had to work and attend high school. Then there was the police academy and striving to be the best officer ever. “Nash turned controlling and disparaging and…just plain mean. I wasn’t sure if it was him or me, not until he tried to push me off the force.”

  “Why?” Audrey asked. “I mean, it seems like he’d welcome being a two-income family.”

  JJ rubbed her face. Boasting wasn’t something she did. “I…uh, was trying to improve all the t
ime. Studying and working out and—”

  Lillian studied her with keen eyes. “You were better than the sodding fool, weren’t you? He couldn’t accept it, so, rather than improve himself, he wanted to remove you from direct competition.”

  Cheeks hot, JJ nodded. “It took me awhile to realize how I was being manipulated.”

  “When did you figure it out? How?” Audrey asked.

  “The DEA asked us to assist with a takedown of a drug distribution gang. At the warehouse, we were waiting for everyone to arrive and get into position. Nash got impatient and rushed in, hoping for glory. I saw him go through the window, and I yelled out orders to cover the exits. I took the rear exit.”

  She’d been so furious at how he’d risked all their lives. They hadn’t had enough people there. And then the rear door burst open, and she was alone with no backup.

  “JJ,” Audrey said softly. “What happened?”

  “We managed to take them down, although a few escaped from side windows.” Her mouth set. “Nash’s entry had warned the gang. I got two that tried to escape out the rear. Barely. I tased the first, caught a bullet from the second—on my vest—and shot him.”

  “How badly were you hurt?” Audrey asked. “Gabe says you still feel the impact even with body armor.”

  “It broke a rib.” She’d had nightmares for weeks, dreaming she hadn’t worn the vest, or that the bullet had been higher—blown out her brains, or she’d hear the sound of her bullet hitting the man.

  She pulled in a breath and finished the story. “I avoided Nash that night. The next night, I dropped in at the local bar we all liked. People congratulated me, asked how I was. Nash was furious. When I left, he followed and yelled at me for making him look bad. I wanted to beat the hell out of him, but I just told him we were done and walked away.”

  Lillian eyed her. “I can see that. You’re quite controlled. I assume he didn’t take the news well?”

  “That’s when he started openly criticizing my performance as an officer. Saying I couldn’t handle the job. Spreading rumors that I’d slept with my instructors to get through the academy. That I was always coming on to other officers and he’d broken up with me because of it. And then he got promoted to Lieutenant.”

  “A screw-up like him?” Audrey looked outraged.

  “His cousin is the captain. His uncle is chief of police.” JJ grimaced. “It puts a whole new meaning on the good-old-boys’ system.”

  “A complaint would go nowhere.” Lillian’s grim expression showed she understood. “I’m surprised they gave you a reference.”

  “They didn’t. My old training officer knows Gabe, a little, and sent me here.” JJ smiled at Audrey. “Gabe is the boss I always wanted to have. I can learn a lot from him—and I’ll do my best never to let him down.”

  “I know that.” Audrey squeezed her hand. “Gabe’s needed a good officer since he got here. I’m glad he has you.”

  Seriously? The compliment took JJ’s breath away.

  “Yes, Rescue will do better with you here.” Lillian smiled. “All right, my girls, let’s get out of here. I want to stop at Sweeney’s in Soldotna. I doubt either of you have the right gear for winter. We can get Regan some things there, too.”

  As they walked toward checkout, Lillian patted the stuffed cat in JJ’s cart. “You have the right instincts to make an excellent mother.”

  JJ blinked. “Um. I actually never gave that much thought.”

  “You’re young yet. But really, it’s best to be married a few years before the first baby, so you don’t want to procrastinate too long.” Lillian tapped her lips. “We have a few likely lads in Rescue. I’ll see that you’re introduced.”

  “Wait…” JJ shot Audrey a helpless look, a plea for help, but the blonde was cracking up with laughter. Easy for her, she had Gabe. JJ gathered her resources. A good LEO should never be at a loss for words. “I appreciate your interest, but since I’m new to the police force, that’s where my focus must be. I don’t have the time”—or the interest—“for dating.”

  She gave the Brit a very firm look.

  Lillian patted her arm. “Of course. But you’ll see—there’s always time for love. Your man will have to be quite secure in his masculinity. I’ll have to make a list.”

  Dear God. Everyone in town loved Mayor Lillian, and JJ was rapidly falling for her, as well. Nonetheless…

  Would Rescue notice if their mayor went missing?

  Chapter Nine

  Sometimes the best we can do is to remind each other that we're related for better or for worse and try to keep the maiming and killing to a minimum. ~ Rick Riordan

  * * *

  Regan felt more like a little kid than a nine-year-old, and she wanted to crawl into the bedroom closet and hide behind all the boxes. Only she didn’t have a closet or a bedroom or boxes. Or a mom either.

  She didn’t have anything. Just a stranger who said he was her dad.

  He walked partway across the living room and turned. His brows pulled together. Angry? Or…or worried? Returning to her, he put his hand on her shoulder, but didn’t ask her anything. Just stood with her.

  Beside her.

  Pulling in a shaky breath, she looked around. There were humongous windows all up one wall with a lake right outside. The ceiling was way far up. On one side was a big TV. Chairs with flowery material. A big tan couch and a littler one sat on a fancy rug with reds, tans, and black colors. The kitchen and dining table and stuff were on the other side.

  How could it be so big and still feel kinda snuggly? “This is Bull and Gabe and Hawk’s and your house?”

  His eyebrows rose. “No, your uncles have their own cabins.” He motioned toward the side windows toward the other houses. “All five houses belong to us.”

  He owned a whole big house. Beside a lake. “And I-I’ll live here?”

  “That’s the plan.” He smiled at her. “Let me show you your bedroom. You can wash up and then meet your uncles. And we can eat.”

  She put her hand on her stomach. Food sounded good—and bad—cuz her stomach was all weird and quivery. She had uncles here. What if they didn’t like her? What if she did something, said something stupid? “Okay.”

  When he squeezed her shoulder, the funny feeling eased up. “My bedroom is in the loft.” He pointed toward the railing upstairs. “I’ll show you that later. Your bedroom’s this way.”

  He went back down the hallway toward the garage, under the loft part, and opened a door.

  Behind him, she stopped and stared. “For real?”

  “Yes, this is yours.”

  “Fuck,” she breathed, winced, and looked up.

  He blinked. Then he chuckled. “I take it you like it.”

  “Uh-huh.” She watched him carefully. Teachers usually yelled at her for swearing, but he’d laughed. What did that mean? Still, if he got upset, he might throw her out. Put her back in foster care. Don’t say fuck. Ever.

  As he moved out of her way, she took a step into the room. The bed was really dope, a fancy white metal that made pretty swirls, and there was a bedspread on top, with squares of flowers. She just wanted to sit and look at the room. The blue in the flowers was the same color as the wall behind the bed. And there were all sorts of pretty pillows in reds and blacks, enough to bury herself underneath.

  Across the room, bookshelves as tall as she was, stood on each side of a big window. Between them was a long bench with a black cushion and soft red pillows. She could read and look out the window.

  A smaller window beside the bed faced the road where they’d come in. A huge black beanbag chair sat in that corner with a fluffy red and black blanket.

  A white desk had a bulletin board over it. And it had a cute rolling chair…with a stuffed white cat. Unable to help herself, she walked over and picked up the cat. So soft and fluffy and nice. “For me?” she whispered.

  He touched her hair, and his smile made her want to cry. Made her want a hug and… She was such a baby.

&
nbsp; “Everything in here is for you, mija.”

  For me. She squeezed the cat tighter and swallowed hard. “What’s mee-ha mean?”

  “My little girl,” he said softly.

  Oh. She looked down, unable to look at him longer. “Um. What…what do I call you? Cazador or…”

  “No, I don’t think so. Even if I wasn’t there for you, I’m your father.” He squeezed her shoulder and stepped back. “You have choices, though. Daddy, dad, father, padre, papá.”

  “Oh.”

  After a second, he said, “I called my father Papá.”

  Papá. PaPA. It sounded chill. But…she couldn’t say it. Not right now. “Okay.”

  A corner of his mouth tipped up, like maybe he understood, like it didn’t bother him. He waved toward the doors across from the bed. “Come and see.”

  “Your closet is here.” He opened the first door.

  She had a closet. With dark corners where she could hide when he got drunk and mean.

  Hangers held clothing, but not grownup clothing. The coat and hoodie were her size. For her? She couldn’t ask.

  He opened the next door. “This is your bathroom.”

  White walls—a long counter of swirly white stone. Sink and tub with a shower curtain—with smiling cats on it. The towels and rugs were all a dark red.

  She looked at the cat in her arms, the ones on the shower curtain. “Did you know I liked cats before you came to get me?”

  “Not until you let me know about saving Snowball. I texted your uncles and JJ and Audrey, who went shopping.” He walked out of the bathroom. “This room was bare. We needed to get you furniture, or you’d have been sleeping on the couch.”

  She took a step back. “You got all this just for me?”

  “Yes. Let’s walk over to Mako’s house so you can meet everyone. Gabe and Bull are here. Audrey is Gabe’s girlfriend. JJ works for Gabe and is staying upstairs in Mako’s house until she can rent a place.”

  Regan counted on her fingers. Four. Okay, she could handle four people. Maybe.

  But it was really hard to put the cat on the bed and leave her room.

  Her very own room.